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Friday Aug 11, 2023

Fans respond hilariously to ‘explosive rumours’ coming out of Ireland Vs Portugal match

With the World Cup just around the corner it’s been a time for many sides to test out their starting teams and combinations in front of the world crowds, as they look to put down statements before arriving in France for the huge global competition.

Wales have been at the forefront of statement victories, with their defeat over England last weekend. Scotland also put down a marker against tournament hosts France in a scintillating game at Murrayfield on the same day.

The All Blacks remain unbeaten, whilst the Wallabies cannot find a win no matter how deep they search their pouch. South Africa, Argentina, Samoa, Tonga, and Japan have all achieved mixed results, whilst Fiji are building solidly with an unbeaten record this year.

Italy have yet to find themselves a win so far, with Ireland having been their most recent defeat. It’s Ireland that most teams appear to be fearing – having won 19 out of their last 21 matches.

It was a challenge that World Cup newcomers Portugal took on with gusto as they welcomed the Irish side to a training match in the training camp in the Algarve.

The result of the training match is unknown, but one particular Twitter user, Edward Jenkins, decided to rile up the Irish fans with a bit of baiting.

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The content behind his ‘rumour’ appears to be false, but the comments are golden:

AJV1Beta poked fun at the recent Jonny Sexton scandal:

“So here’s what I’ve heard went down, from sources I have in the camp:

“Ref was having a mare, and after recent events, Sexton was trying not to say anything and not rise to it. However, he then caught a Portugal player with a very very accidental and borderline high shot, and the ref promptly sent him off.

“Then as he was walking off, the (English) ref said ‘by the way, your mum’s a sket bruv” At that point, Sexton snapped.

“He turned round, marched back over to the ref and said ‘this ain’t part of my ban so I can do THIS’ and promptly F5-ed the ref through a table, before volleying his whistle into Row Z.

“He then proceeded to superkick both touch judges, spear the Portugese waterboy, then march upstairs and powerbomb the TMO through his own desk, leaving him laying under a pile of smashed TV screens.

“Everyone else then watched on in stunned silence as he marched out of the stadium and into a waiting Uber, screaming unintelligible Irish swears and necking a can of lager as he did this.

“Rumour has it that he actually ripped his shirt off at some point during the incident, but people couldn’t tell because his body was still entirely green.”

Compreshensivedingo0 added to the Sexton story:

“So, I saw Johnny Sexton at a shop in the Algarve yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

“He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off.

“When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the door with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

“The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Senhor, você precisa pagar por isso primeiro.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

“When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical interference,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word.

“After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.”

Others made more general jokes about the Irish lads time in Portugal:

Baggotman: “I heard Furlong accidentally ate one of the Portugese players when he stood too close to the bowl of spuds.”

Upadownpipe: “One of the players said the feminine version of Obrigad to the Portuguese players and it all kicked off. Allegedly also called a pasteis de nata ‘just a custard slice with a tan’”

Desiderious: “There was a fight between Henderson and Madeira. Madeira claimed Pasteis de Nata are the best wee buns in the world. Henderson saw red, demanding he retract his statement and recognise Fifteens as the true king.”

Whilst Whit135 decided to joke about the recent Wallaby and Springbok squad announcements: “Apparently the rumor is that the aussies and safas turned up and they both had more than 1 1st five”.

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